We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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