The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Mom said you looked used
How external is "for external use only"?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize