he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
