How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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