the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
