I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
