cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
