I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
