my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
high people should be assigned attendants
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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