Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When are your genitals available?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
