Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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