You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
