wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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