LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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