Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
