3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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