I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
