I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
