well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
