It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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