Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
