Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
