I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
