i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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