85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
