dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
