fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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