I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
