i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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