I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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