He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
