If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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