I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
