I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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