Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
