I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
