why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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