I wish I could teleport
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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