bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
