uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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