Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
