peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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