So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
