I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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