you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
