When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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