Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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