When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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