it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
