Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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