After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
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She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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