I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
