My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
