And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
