i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
