apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
