I'm jealous of your bromance
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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