woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
