Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
