i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
