Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
