Only a mothe r could love this liver
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
