I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize