North Korea, Best Korea!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
