look no pants
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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