I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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