she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize